One of the worst questions you can ask is why a person is still single. There are a myriad of answers for that response and some I can’t possibly repeat here. There is nothing wrong with being single but if you want to be in a relationship and find yourself falling into the same patterns, stumbling at the same love road block and dating the wrong person, it’s time for much needed self reflection and assessment. Here are seven of the common reasons why someone might be single.
You simply haven’t found the right one
Admittedly there are a lot of hot tradesmen or women out there but the likelihood of meeting someone while at home in your pjs is relatively slim. It’s a numbers game so open yourself up to more opportunities and at the least, you might just find a good friend in the process. Internet dating may not be your thing but why not try speed dating, asking your friends to set you up or join a social group to increase your chances of finding your ‘Mr or Ms Right’ or ‘Right for the moment’.
You don’t have a wingman or woman to go out with
This becomes more common as people reach their late 20s and onwards. As your friends start getting coupled up, get married and/or have children, their priorities change and they may not be as interested in going out for Friday night drinks or checking out the latest bar on a Saturday night. So what’s a single girl or guy to do? The most logical thing to do is find more single friends but that’s easier said than done. Join networking groups such as a business association, get a gym membership or participate in a group sport such as indoor netball or indoor soccer to increase your social networks.
You aren’t over your ex
You haven’t allowed yourself time to grieve over your last relationship and you keep mentally bringing your ex along with you to dates. If you find yourself starting a sentence with ‘[insert ex’s name] and I …’, kick yourself in the foot immediately and change the topic. Everyone will thank for it. Take time to get over the last relationship before you start dating someone knew to break the cycle of rebounding from one relationship to the next.
You sabotage your relationships
Fear of rejection, being vulnerable or feeling self conscious may be holding you back from being in a relationship. Regardless of how many times your heart has been broken or stomped on, you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again. If you have a pattern of falling for the same type of man or falling into the same bad relationship patterns, some self assessment is in order. You need to figure out whether it’s a form of self sabotage, you’re commitment phobic or you’re too afraid to give people a chance. Rejection happens to the best of us. You can’t afford to let yourself become bitter and cynical. Negativity is an instant turnoff.
You’re too picky
There is nothing wrong with having high standards but try dating outside the checklist and getting to know someone who isn’t your ‘type’. You may meet the person who is perfect on paper but does nothing for you emotionally. Visa versa, you may meet someone who doesn’t tick all the right boxes but makes you weak at the knees. No one is asking you to drop your standards but just be more open to dating someone who isn’t your type.
You’re too independent
Being part of a relationship admittedly does involve some sort of compromise. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single, if you do want to be in a relationship, you’re going to have weigh up the pros and cons of being in a relationship and considering someone else’s needs versus being independent and a free spirit.
You’re too needy
We all know how loud the ticking of a biological clock can be regardless of whether you’re a woman or a man and to conform to societal pressures to marry before a certain age. You may be lonely or desiring to be in a relationship but try not to come across as emotionally needy or clingy. Desperation is not attractive.
Don’t despair! Once you have worked out the reason why you might be single, you can work on ways to change your mindset and increase the chances of finding the ‘one’ in a world full of ‘twos’, ‘threes’, and even ‘fours’. And you might not even find him or her but at least give yourself a fighting chance.