The Australian online dating industry grew by 5 per cent last year and is expected to grow by a further 5 to 10 per cent this year so what’s stopping you from putting your heart on the line?

Model turned author Tara Moss wrote in her blog about her recent experiences with online dating and how she met her now husband on a popular dating site. Once a stigma, online dating is seen as the intelligent way of searching for a partner. Each of the major Australian dating websites have in excess of a million members. So if it’s good enough for Tara Moss, could it be enough for you take the plunge and see if you click with someone online?

What online dating website should I join?

One of the most popular websites is RSVP but the online dating website you join will ultimately depend on how narrow or wide you want to cast your net. There are websites that cater for people looking for specific criteria; whether you are looking for people who are a specific culture or religion, have interests such as fitness, you’re looking for a casual or serious relationship or even looking for a millionaire.

If you’re too scared to join up to an online dating site, you may want to dip your toe in the water and add Zoosk to your Facebook account. Zoosk is an application integrated with social networking websites like Facebook, MySpace, Bebo, and Hi5. Facebook has over 400 million active users and Zoosk is a popular tool which has been added by over 8 million Facebook members and has 924,346 fans.

How do online dating websites work?

With most traditional websites, you create a profile on the site which generally includes your photo, a small blurb about yourself and what you are looking for in a partner and your hobbies and interests. The profiles are approved by the moderator of the website to make sure they are appropriate for the website ie no profanity or indecent pictures.

Usually, you will get a far better response (3 to 10 times better!) with a posted picture than without. If you’re worried about privacy, some sites even let you password protect your photo and only allow members you select to view it. After your profile is approved, you are free to search through the list of members and contact any members that catch your eye.

Some recently launched websites in Australia such as eHarmony and MyType (owned by the same company as RSVP) match people based on their psychological profiles. Unlike other conventional online websites, your profile will only be sent to people who are considered a compatible match for you. This may be based on core values like character, intellect, sense of humour, spiritual beliefs, passion, and other factors so don’t lie on in your test!

How much will it cost to join an online dating website?

Most online websites do not charge a fee for you to join the online website but may charge a subscription or one off fee for contacting members. Monthly fees may vary so investigate the cost of membership before you join. You don’t want to meet the love of your life and be unable to contact him or her due to financial constraints!

There are far and few free online dating services to choose from and be wary that if a site may be free such as Craiglist, it may not be managed as well and as safe. One free online dating service you may want to try is Oasis Active which claims to be a 100% free dating service for singles. Members can create profiles and contact other members for free.

So what are the rules for online dating?

There are certain precautions to take when finding a potential mate online. The Craigslist killer springs easily to mind! Experts suggest that if you are serious about finding a relationship online that you do not spend weeks on end talking to a potential match and meet up in the first few weeks.

This is good for two reasons; you can rule out the tyre kickers who are just interested in cyber chats and maybe more and you can see whether you have chemistry face to face beyond a pixelated image. Be careful not to create a false intimacy with someone you haven’t met and may not be attracted to in real life.

Make sure you meet in a public place during the day and give a good friend or relative the details of your meeting place, who you are meeting and their contact details. Arrange a backup plan for your friend to ring you so if the date isn’t proceeding as you wish, you can make an excuse and leave quickly.

Online dating not your thing?

If you are working in a high-profile position or you are just simply afraid to put your profile online, you may want to try an executive dating agency instead. These boutique agencies will charge higher fees from $1,600 – $6,000 depending on the individual agency and the level of package you choose.

However you will be afforded a higher level of discretion and confidentiality than an online dating website and your potential matches will be vetoed by your agency who may even do a full security check on whether they have had any previous convictions, their marital status and whether they have been bankrupt and their financial status.

Agencies you may want to try are Blue Label Life which claims to have an unrivalled 92% success rate based on a scientifically proven CQ Test to measure compatibility. Elite Introductions is also a very popular agency with offices in Sydney and Melbourne. Trudy Gilbert, the Trudy Gilbert, the Director and Founder is a regular guest on the Today Show.

So what are you waiting for? Put your profile and heart on the line … and join an online dating website. Remember it’s a numbers game so the more people you meet, the closer you are to finding your perfect match. Whether you’re just testing the waters or plunged right into the online dating pool, having all these people pay attention to you may be the ego boost you need to get out of your dating rut.

One of the biggest obstacles in building a healthy relationship is actually ourselves. Are you emotionally available or emotionally exhausted? Read on to find out how this affects your ability to create the proper environment for your relationships to prosper…

Emotional availability … it’s a psychological buzzword for a characteristic that we can all pick up on in people, whether we are romantically interested in them or not. A simpler way to say it would be ‘He’s just not that into you’ … and there are books, movies and Sex and the City episodes aplenty to watch if you want some real-life examples of that condition! Here is some relationship advice to work out whether he’s emotionally available and really ‘into you’ and what should you do if he isn’t.

What is Emotional Availability?

You know if someone is truly interested in you. They ask about your life and they care about what happens to you when you aren’t around. They share details of their own lives and ask you for help. This is emotional availability.

A more dictionary-esque definition of emotionally available might be “the ability to comfortably and confidently share thoughts, feelings, time and energy with another person in a relationship” … but we all know what unavailability feels like. It feels very lonely, even when you’re sitting next to each other. It’s the feeling of having to force words out of your mouth, because you know they won’t really be heard or cared about. It the constant wonder about your position in the other person’s heart … and it just feels yucky.

Remember that physical availability doesn’t always equal emotional availability. There are many people who are willing to be there in body, but not in spirit. They will talk about only superficial subjects, or go through the motions of a relationship very mechanically.

How to make sure your potential partner is emotionally available

Here are some signs in an early relationship to help you determine if your partner will be emotionally available:

• You are certain that yours is the only romantic relationship in their life is a good indication of their emotional availability
• They proudly talk about you to friends and family
• They venture details about their day, both external and internal events. For example, “This is what happened; this is how it made me feel”.
• They are willing to spend time with you, and their old friends, together

Remember, though, that there is a difference between maintaining independence and emotional unavailability. Everybody needs time to indulge their own hobbies, to do their own work and to just be alone with their thoughts.

It’s usual for the amount of time you spend together and the number of issues you agree on to start petering off after a few weeks or months in a relationship – this cycle is healthy. Emotional unavailability can be seen when you drift apart, and then just keep drifting instead of striking a balance.

But, I can change!

There is a single inevitability in the universe – change. Leopards might not change their spots … but people change every day! Don’t just give up on a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person – try some of the following steps.

Try to make yourself as emotionally available as possible. Talk about you feelings, and ask about theirs if you want to know. Keep asking – some people are just too shy or have low self-esteem.

• Make sure you maintain some independence. Don’t suffocate your partner with requests for time, with constant conversation, etc. At the same time, don’t put up with living with a brick wall that likes to party without you!
• Consider relationship counselling. For many people this is the catalyst that allows their relationship to heal, and it is always worthwhile trying before chucking in a marriage or long-term partnership.

If this relationship advice and all else fails, remember that people change when they are ready to change, and sometimes nothing you do or say will quicken the process. It may even take a breakup for them to realise the error of their emotional ways. Emotional unavailability is not a walk in the park, and like so many factors in human relationships, there are no hard and fast rules or answers. In the end, you’ll know when you made enough effort … and what you have to do to be happy.

Being single in the holidays can be a lonely time for some but others it can be a time of self indulgence, liberation and the freedom to do what you want without having to compromise or think about others. Here are five reasons why it’s great to be single in the holidays.

You can spend time with your friends and family

Being single in the holidays means that you don’t have to go through the drama of deciding whose family you are going to spend the holidays with and spending the bulk of your holidays avoiding sleazy Uncle Fred. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, friends have an important role to play. Being single gives you more time to reconnect with your friends and family and  open yourself up to finding new friends and spending time with people you actually like.

You can focus on your career

Without a partner holding you back, you’re free to do overtime, work weekends and put in as many hours at work without feeling guilty. You don’t have to balance a demanding career with a demanding partner or family and can focus solely on your career without any distractions. With all your loved up colleagues spending time with their families over Christmas and New Year, this is the perfect time to score brownie points with your boss and show how dedicated and committed an employee you are.

Your time is your own

When you’re single, you can go and please whenever you want without having to answer to anyone or explain yourself to anyone. You can spend your holidays going to the beach, festivals, concerts or just lying in your pyjamas watching cheesy sitcoms without having to consider anyone’s feelings, work around someone else’s schedule or be under any obligation to attend events you don’t want to go to.  This is a great time to learn a new hobby or a new skill and a chance for self reflection and self development and to reclaim your social identity.

You can put yourself on top of the shopping list

Dating has its price but when you’re single, you don’t have to buy Christmas gifts for your partner and his family and you can spend all your money in the post Christmas sales and be completely self indulgent. As a self respecting single, you no longer have to walk into your house and hide the Christian Louboutin designer shoes that cost half your salary or justify why you needed to spend buy five kaftans that were on sale. Your money is your own for you to spend it on what you want when you want.

You can be the best you can be

When you’re in a relationship, it’s sometimes hard to find time to fit exercise into your schedule or eat properly when you have to focus your life around a significant other or cook for someone else. Being single will force you out of your comfort zone and you can focus on your exercise schedule and eating properly without any distractions. There will be no more reasons to procrastinate or an unsupportive or an unhelpful partner trying to sabotage your gym routine.

While there are many benefits to being in a relationship, being single in society always seems to be a choice forced upon us than a choice we have made to focus on ourselves. You may not be single forever so take the time when you’re single to focus on your goals, dreams and aspirations without anyone holding you back.

Forget giving practical gifts like hand tools or domestic appliances or clichéd gifts like chocolates, flowers and perfume – a romantic Christmas gift should be tailored to the recipient, a little whimsical, self indulgent and maybe even a touch naughty. Here are five romantic gift ideas to inspire even the most unromantic and unimaginative of partners.

Weekends Away

Romantic getaways are a gift that couples can enjoy. Relaxing on the beach, pampering yourself in the spa, or going out to dinner and sampling the local cuisine has all the makings of an idyllic, romantic Christmas gift. Read our article on ‘Five romantic getaways’  for romantic holiday destination ideas.

Experiences

A once in a life experience is always a great Christmas gift idea. Experiences can be tailored to your partner’s interests and can be anything from having plane lessons, driving a high powered sports car or having cooking lessons from a top chef. If you tailor the gift to their unique tastes, you can get extra points for being thoughtfulness and originality.

Inscriptions

A gift that is inscribed whether it be jewellery, a limited edition of a book or even an electronic gadget like an iPod automatically elevates the sentimental value to the receiver. You’re putting in writing that you’re in the relationship for the long haul and there is nothing more romantic than a partner who is not afraid of commitment.

Tickets

Tickets are always a great gift idea whether they are tickets to the theatre, sporting event, concert or a cultural event. Combine the tickets with an evening in a romantic hotel  or watch the event in another state for added romance points.

Subscriptions

A subscription is the gift that keeps on giving … well, at least for the duration of the subscription anyway and it’s a monthly reminder of your love for your partner. Buy your partner a subscription to their favourite magazine, the wine of the month club or a season’s pass for their favourite sporting team or the ballet. With a bit of research into your partner’s interests and hobbies, you can’t really go wrong with this romantic gift.

It’s a clique but when it comes to romantic gifts and true love, it’s really the thought that counts and buying a romantic gift takes a little bit of time, effort and planning. Romance cannot easily be found in a 7 Eleven store at midnight on Christmas Eve so don’t wait until the last minute rush. Buy your romantic present at least a few weeks before Christmas to avoid disappointment on your partner’s face come Christmas day.

If you’re tired of the men or women you are meeting in the usual singles scenes such as bars and nightclubs, it may be time to broaden your horizons and try alternative locations for meeting a potential partner. Here are seven different ways to meet the person of your dreams.

At your local gym

A gym is a great place to meet likeminded new friends and the opposite sex. Most gyms offer group classes like cycling which provide a new close and intimate setting and opportunities to meet people. An easy way to meet people through the gym is simply ask them how to use the gym equipment or ask them about their gym routine. Men like to show off their knowledge about exercise and the gym equipment. It’s easier to meet people that you have a common interest with and you’ll get a great workout as well.

Around  your neighbourhood

Walking your dog around a park is a good way to meet a potential mate. A four-legged friend can break the ice and is a natural matchmaker. Talking about the dog is an easy conversation starter and there is something about a pet that makes the owner more irresistible in the eyes of others. And for an added bonus, you are exercising as well which can only make you more attractive to the opposite sex. In addition try going to your local haunts such as your local pub, library or cafes and mingle with the locals. Your perfect mate might be right under your nose.

Online dating

Online dating is starting to be seen as a smart way for busy singles to meet people that they are compatible with and have the same dating objectives. You can view people’s pictures and get to know them via email before meeting them face-to-face. Similarly, a good way to meet someone through seven degrees of separation is through social networking websites. You might take a fancy to one of your friend’s friends or you might see someone in a group that you might take a shine to. It’s easy to poke someone on Facebook, leave a message on MySpace or follow them on Twitter without looking like a crazed stalker. Someone has to make the first mouse click, why can’t it be you?

Home improvement stores

Another great place to meet people is a home improvement store. These stores are almost overrun with handy men or hapless women who might need a helping hand. You may find the person of your dreams in the paint aisle or at the very least may find a partner who is capable of fixing a leaky tap for you. While home improvement and maintenance may not be your ideal way to spend a Saturday morning, you might be pleasantly surprised by the number of available men and women wandering the aisles of a home improvement store on a weekend.

At your local beer garden

A good way to meet the opposite sex is having a cheeky drink in a beer garden on the weekend or after work. It’s much easier to find a laidback guy or girl in a pub than the latest hot spot filled with women dancing around their handbag or men who are surrounded by their friends. Sports bars are also a good bet and the game playing on the TV provides a natural conversation-starter. Find a pub or tavern that has a pool table or darts. It’s a great way to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Looking for real estate

Going to house inspections on a Saturday afternoon is a good way to meet a gorgeous real estate agent or people who may be in the market more than property. It’s very easy to engage a person about the light fittings, size of the bathroom or the high maintenance garden. You have to pick your target carefully though. You’re more likely to meet someone who is single when looking at a one or two bedroom apartment in the city rather than a four bedder in the suburbs.

Laundromat

Another great place to meet single people is a laundromat. Even if you own your own washer and dryer, head on down to your local laundromat and you are sure to meet some available men or women who like clean underwear or fresh towels – always a bonus. While the laundromat may not be your ideal location for meeting a new partner, there is a higher certainty that the people you meet will be single and available. Strike up a conversation by asking how to use the machines or ask them for change.

Meeting someone can happen at any time. All it takes is the right mindset and a little pre-planning. So when you go to the local supermarket, bar or park, make sure you’ve got a nice outfit on and your A-game on because you don’t know who you might run into.

One of the worst questions you can ask is why a person is still single. There are a myriad of answers for that response and some I can’t possibly repeat here. There is nothing wrong with being single but if you want to be in a relationship and find yourself falling into the same patterns, stumbling at the same love road block and dating the wrong person, it’s time for much needed self reflection and assessment. Here are seven of the common reasons why someone might be single.

You simply haven’t found the right one

Admittedly there are a lot of hot tradesmen or women out there but the likelihood of meeting someone while at home in your pjs is relatively slim. It’s a numbers game so open yourself up to more opportunities and at the least, you might just find a good friend in the process. Internet dating may not be your thing but why not try speed dating, asking your friends to set you up or join a social group to increase your chances of finding your ‘Mr or Ms Right’ or ‘Right for the moment’.

You don’t have a wingman or woman to go out with

This becomes more common as people reach their late 20s and onwards. As your friends start getting coupled up, get married and/or have children, their priorities change and they may not be as interested in going out for Friday night drinks or checking out the latest bar on a Saturday night. So what’s a single girl or guy to do? The most logical thing to do is find more single friends but that’s easier said than done. Join networking groups such as a business association, get a gym membership or participate in a group sport such as indoor netball or indoor soccer to increase your social networks.

You aren’t over your ex

You haven’t allowed yourself time to grieve over your last relationship and you keep mentally bringing your ex along with you to dates.  If you find yourself starting a sentence with ‘[insert ex’s name] and I …’, kick yourself in the foot immediately and change the topic. Everyone will thank for it. Take time to get over the last relationship before you start dating someone knew to break the cycle of rebounding from one relationship to the next.

You sabotage your relationships

Fear of rejection, being vulnerable or feeling self conscious may be holding you back from being in a relationship. Regardless of how many times your heart has been broken or stomped on, you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again. If you have a pattern of falling for the same type of man or falling into the same bad relationship patterns, some self assessment is in order. You need to figure out whether it’s a form of self sabotage, you’re commitment phobic or you’re too afraid to give people a chance. Rejection happens to the best of us. You can’t afford to let yourself become bitter and cynical. Negativity is an instant turnoff.

You’re too picky

There is nothing wrong with having high standards but try dating outside the checklist and getting to know someone who isn’t your ‘type’. You may meet the person who is perfect on paper but does nothing for you emotionally. Visa versa, you may meet someone who doesn’t tick all the right boxes but makes you weak at the knees. No one is asking you to drop your standards but just be more open to dating someone who isn’t your type.

You’re too independent

Being part of a relationship admittedly does involve some sort of compromise. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single, if you do want to be in a relationship, you’re going to have weigh up the pros and cons of being in a relationship and considering someone else’s needs versus being independent and a free spirit.

You’re too needy

We all know how loud the ticking of a biological clock can be regardless of whether you’re a woman or a man and to conform to societal pressures to marry before a certain age. You may be lonely or desiring to be in a relationship but try not to come across as emotionally needy or clingy. Desperation is not attractive.

Don’t despair! Once you have worked out the reason why you might be single, you can work on ways to change your mindset and increase the chances of finding the ‘one’ in a world full of ‘twos’, ‘threes’, and even ‘fours’. And you might not even find him or her but at least give yourself a fighting chance.